{"id":13189,"date":"2024-05-19T08:30:20","date_gmt":"2024-05-19T13:30:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.joycekubik.com\/welcome\/?p=13189"},"modified":"2024-06-05T15:00:49","modified_gmt":"2024-06-05T20:00:49","slug":"dont-call-yourself-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joycekubik.com\/welcome\/dont-call-yourself-out\/","title":{"rendered":"Don’t Call Yourself Out!"},"content":{"rendered":"

[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”3px|0px|54px|0px||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.25.1″ background_enable_image=”off” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” width_tablet=”” width_phone=”” width_last_edited=”on|desktop” max_width=”1066px” max_width_tablet=”1066px” max_width_phone=”1389px” max_width_last_edited=”on|desktop” min_height_tablet=”” min_height_phone=”” min_height_last_edited=”on|desktop” height_tablet=”” height_phone=”” height_last_edited=”on|desktop” max_height_tablet=”” max_height_phone=”” max_height_last_edited=”on|desktop” custom_padding=”0|0px|21px|0px||” background_last_edited=”on|desktop” module_alignment_tablet=”” module_alignment_phone=”” module_alignment_last_edited=”on|desktop” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.joycekubik.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/05\/Call-Yourself-Out-C2.jpg” title_text=”Call Yourself Out-C2″ align=”center” force_fullwidth=”on” src_tablet=”https:\/\/www.joycekubik.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/05\/Call-Yourself-Out-C2.jpg” src_phone=”https:\/\/www.joycekubik.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/05\/Call-Yourself-Out-C2.jpg” src_last_edited=”on|desktop” show_bottom_space_tablet=”” show_bottom_space_phone=”” show_bottom_space_last_edited=”on|desktop” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”center” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” admin_label=”Image | Calling yourself out” _builder_version=”4.25.1″ width_tablet=”70%” width_phone=”70%” width_last_edited=”on|desktop” max_width_tablet=”” max_width_phone=”” max_width_last_edited=”on|desktop” module_alignment=”center” min_height_tablet=”” min_height_phone=”” min_height_last_edited=”on|desktop” height_tablet=”” height_phone=”” height_last_edited=”on|desktop” max_height_tablet=”” max_height_phone=”” max_height_last_edited=”on|desktop” custom_margin=”||10vh||false|false” custom_margin_tablet=”” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|desktop” custom_padding=”||||false|false” custom_padding_tablet=”” custom_padding_phone=”” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” module_alignment_tablet=”” module_alignment_phone=”” module_alignment_last_edited=”on|desktop” border_radii_tablet=”” border_radii_phone=”” border_radii_last_edited=”on|desktop” border_width_all_tablet=”” border_width_all_phone=”” border_width_all_last_edited=”on|desktop” border_color_all_tablet=”” border_color_all_phone=”” border_color_all_last_edited=”on|desktop” border_style_all_tablet=”” border_style_all_phone=”” border_style_all_last_edited=”on|desktop” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text content_tablet=”<\/p>\n

To Call Out:<\/em>
To confront one about one’s misdeeds or unpleasant behavior.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2014 The Free Dictionary by Farlex<\/p>\n

\n

My ADHD clients all too often set themselves up for failure.<\/strong> I know, because I did the same thing <\/span><\/span>\u2014<\/span><\/span> until one day in my late 40s <\/span><\/span>when<\/span><\/span> I began to question why I kept <\/span><\/span>calling myself out<\/i><\/span><\/span>. I actually thought I was making legitimate excuses just like others did. I believed I was making myself look or feel <\/span><\/span>that <\/span><\/span>I was in control <\/span><\/span>\u2014 <\/span><\/span>and maybe even funny. Does that make any sense? Of course not! <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I can still hear my mom yelling at me<\/span><\/span><\/strong>.<\/strong> I was late for church, for school, the last one to get in the car, and so on and so on. Then anyone else in earshot did the same and started blaming me for everything.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And then, of course, is the admission of guilt!<\/span><\/span><\/strong> Can you believe I hit the curb with my car again! I overcooked the dessert so I apologized. I got another speeding ticket and no money to pay it. I failed my test and I\u2019m going to fail the class. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

When I worked in offices many years ago<\/span><\/span><\/strong>,<\/strong> I would walk into a meeting late and immediately announce, \u201cSorry, I\u2019m late; you know me! What do you expect from a scatter brain?\u201d I continued to make these statements without thinking about how it made me look. <\/span><\/span>I<\/span> justified it by telling myself everyone does that and they never get in trouble. Later I learned that wasn\u2019t true. The difference was that I said these things for every meeting or event I went to. Others in the room said it maybe twice in a year. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The gig is up! <\/span><\/span><\/strong>After hearing ourselves make these excuses<\/strong> or admissions of guilt so frequently, we often begin to get negative feedback such as \u201c<\/span><\/span>W<\/span><\/span>hat\u2019s new; <\/span><\/span>M<\/span><\/span>aybe you should set an alarm; <\/span><\/span>Y<\/span><\/span>eah, we know; <\/span><\/span>L<\/span><\/span>ike I haven\u2019t heard that before; and more. And it didn\u2019t make me feel good at all. I was embarrassed, felt guilty for saying such things over and over. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The realization came to me that I was repeatedly<\/strong> letting everyone know I messed up <\/span><\/span>\u2014 and <\/span><\/span>often. I invited people to laugh at me for all the things I didn\u2019t do right. And then I laughed with them. In the work environment I did the same thing. In reality, I wasn\u2019t setting myself up to be seen as a stellar employee, looking for the next raise. I ruined my own reputation by trying to be just like others. I did the same thing in college.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

So, if that\u2019s true, h<\/span><\/span>ow do we reverse th<\/span><\/span>e<\/span><\/span> damage?<\/span><\/span><\/strong> First of all, remind yourself that you are not \u2018just like others.\u2019 Start listening to yourself and monitor how often you <\/span><\/span>call yourself out!<\/i><\/span><\/span> Think about what situations justify these outbursts. What\u2019<\/span><\/span>s<\/span><\/span> really effective is to journal at the end of the day <\/span><\/span>and<\/span><\/span> answer <\/span><\/span>these<\/span><\/span> four<\/span><\/span> questions: <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

1. <\/span><\/span><\/strong>What did<\/strong> I say t<\/span><\/span>oday<\/span><\/span> now upsets me <\/span><\/span>now<\/span><\/span>?
<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>2. <\/span><\/span>How d<\/span><\/span>o<\/span><\/span><\/strong> I feel <\/span><\/span>about that<\/span><\/span>?
<\/span><\/span> 3. <\/span><\/span><\/strong>Who did<\/strong> it affect, including <\/span><\/span>my<\/span><\/span>self?
<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>4. <\/span><\/span><\/strong>How will<\/strong> I stop myself <\/span><\/span>from saying those things <\/span><\/span>the next time?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

While all this calling out pain is true<\/strong>,<\/span><\/span> know that there are times when we might talk about one of our mistakes <\/span><\/span>in order <\/span><\/span>to help a person feel a little better about their difficult situation.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And that\u2019s okay.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Joyce Kubik<\/h3>\n<\/p>\n

%22All the noise in my brain.<\/em>
I clamp it to the page so it will be still.%22<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2014 Barbara Kingsolver<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

” content_phone=”<\/p>\n

To Call Out:<\/em>
To confront one about one’s misdeeds or unpleasant behavior.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2014 The Free Dictionary by Farlex<\/p>\n

\n

My ADHD clients all too often set themselves up for failure.<\/strong> I know, because I did the same thing <\/span><\/span>\u2014<\/span><\/span> until one day in my late 40s <\/span><\/span>when<\/span><\/span> I began to question why I kept <\/span><\/span>calling myself out<\/i><\/span><\/span>. I actually thought I was making legitimate excuses just like others did. I believed I was making myself look or feel <\/span><\/span>that <\/span><\/span>I was in control <\/span><\/span>\u2014 <\/span><\/span>and maybe even funny. Does that make any sense? Of course not! <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I can still hear my mom yelling at me<\/span><\/span><\/strong>.<\/strong> I was late for church, for school, the last one to get in the car, and so on and so on. Then anyone else in earshot did the same and started blaming me for everything.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And then, of course, is the admission of guilt!<\/span><\/span><\/strong> Can you believe I hit the curb with my car again! I overcooked the dessert so I apologized. I got another speeding ticket and no money to pay it. I failed my test and I\u2019m going to fail the class. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

When I worked in offices many years ago<\/span><\/span><\/strong>,<\/strong> I would walk into a meeting late and immediately announce, \u201cSorry, I\u2019m late; you know me! What do you expect from a scatter brain?\u201d I continued to make these statements without thinking about how it made me look. <\/span><\/span>I<\/span> justified it by telling myself everyone does that and they never get in trouble. Later I learned that wasn\u2019t true. The difference was that I said these things for every meeting or event I went to. Others in the room said it maybe twice in a year. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The gig is up! <\/span><\/span><\/strong>After hearing ourselves make these excuses<\/strong> or admissions of guilt so frequently, we often begin to get negative feedback such as \u201c<\/span><\/span>W<\/span><\/span>hat\u2019s new; <\/span><\/span>M<\/span><\/span>aybe you should set an alarm; <\/span><\/span>Y<\/span><\/span>eah, we know; <\/span><\/span>L<\/span><\/span>ike I haven\u2019t heard that before; and more. And it didn\u2019t make me feel good at all. I was embarrassed, felt guilty for saying such things over and over. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The realization came to me that I was repeatedly<\/strong> letting everyone know I messed up <\/span><\/span>\u2014 and <\/span><\/span>often. I invited people to laugh at me for all the things I didn\u2019t do right. And then I laughed with them. In the work environment I did the same thing. In reality, I wasn\u2019t setting myself up to be seen as a stellar employee, looking for the next raise. I ruined my own reputation by trying to be just like others. I did the same thing in college.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

So, if that\u2019s true, h<\/span><\/span>ow do we reverse th<\/span><\/span>e<\/span><\/span> damage?<\/span><\/span><\/strong> First of all, remind yourself that you are not \u2018just like others.\u2019 Start listening to yourself and monitor how often you <\/span><\/span>call yourself out!<\/i><\/span><\/span> Think about what situations justify these outbursts. What\u2019<\/span><\/span>s<\/span><\/span> really effective is to journal at the end of the day <\/span><\/span>and<\/span><\/span> answer <\/span><\/span>these<\/span><\/span> four<\/span><\/span> questions: <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

1. <\/span><\/span><\/strong>What did<\/strong> I say t<\/span><\/span>oday<\/span><\/span> now upsets me <\/span><\/span>now<\/span><\/span>?
<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>2. <\/span><\/span>How d<\/span><\/span>o<\/span><\/span><\/strong> I feel <\/span><\/span>about that<\/span><\/span>?
<\/span><\/span> 3. <\/span><\/span><\/strong>Who did<\/strong> it affect, including <\/span><\/span>my<\/span><\/span>self?
<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>4. <\/span><\/span><\/strong>How will<\/strong> I stop myself <\/span><\/span>from saying those things <\/span><\/span>the next time?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

While all this calling out pain is true<\/strong>,<\/span><\/span> know that there are times when we might talk about one of our mistakes <\/span><\/span>in order <\/span><\/span>to help a person feel a little better about their difficult situation.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And that\u2019s okay.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Joyce Kubik<\/h3>\n<\/p>\n

%22All the noise in my brain.<\/em>
I clamp it to the page so it will be still.%22<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2014 Barbara Kingsolver<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

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To Call Out:<\/em>
To\u00a0confront\u00a0one\u00a0about\u00a0one’s\u00a0misdeeds\u00a0or\u00a0unpleasant\u00a0behavior.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2014 The Free Dictionary by Farlex<\/p>\n

My ADHD clients all too often set themselves up for failure.<\/strong> I know, because I did the same thing <\/span><\/span>\u2014<\/span><\/span> until one day in my late 40s <\/span><\/span>when<\/span><\/span> I began to question why I kept <\/span><\/span>calling myself out<\/i><\/span><\/span>. I actually thought I was making legitimate excuses just like others did. I believed I was making myself look or feel <\/span><\/span>that <\/span><\/span>I was in control <\/span><\/span>\u2014 <\/span><\/span>and maybe even funny. Does that make any sense? Of course not! <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I can still hear my mom yelling at me<\/span><\/span><\/strong>.<\/strong> I was late for church, for school, the last one to get in the car, and so on and so on. Then anyone else in earshot did the same and started blaming me for everything.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And then, of course, is the admission of guilt!<\/span><\/span><\/strong> Can you believe I hit the curb with my car again! I overcooked the dessert so I apologized. I got another speeding ticket and no money to pay it. I failed my test and I\u2019m going to fail the class. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

When I worked in offices many years ago<\/span><\/span><\/strong>,<\/strong> I would walk into a meeting late and immediately announce, \u201cSorry, I\u2019m late; you know me! What do you expect from a scatter brain?\u201d I continued to make these statements without thinking about how it made me look. <\/span><\/span>I<\/span> justified it by telling myself everyone does that and they never get in trouble. Later I learned that wasn\u2019t true. The difference was that I said these things for every meeting or event I went to. Others in the room said it maybe twice in a year. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The jig is up! <\/span><\/span><\/strong>After hearing ourselves make these excuses<\/strong> or admissions of guilt so frequently, we often begin to get negative feedback such as \u201c<\/span><\/span>W<\/span><\/span>hat\u2019s new; <\/span><\/span>M<\/span><\/span>aybe you should set an alarm; <\/span><\/span>Y<\/span><\/span>eah, we know; <\/span><\/span>L<\/span><\/span>ike I haven\u2019t heard that before; and more. And it didn\u2019t make me feel good at all. I was embarrassed, felt guilty for saying such things over and over. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The realization came to me that I was repeatedly<\/strong> letting everyone know I messed up <\/span><\/span>\u2014 and <\/span><\/span>often. I invited people to laugh at me for all the things I didn\u2019t do right. And then I laughed with them. In the work environment I did the same thing. In reality, I wasn\u2019t setting myself up to be seen as a stellar employee, looking for the next raise. I ruined my own reputation by trying to be just like others. I did the same thing in college.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

So, if that\u2019s true, h<\/span><\/span>ow do we reverse th<\/span><\/span>e<\/span><\/span> damage?<\/span><\/span><\/strong> First of all, remind yourself that you are not \u2018just like others.\u2019 Start listening to yourself and monitor how often you <\/span><\/span>call yourself out!<\/i><\/span><\/span> Think about what situations justify these outbursts. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

What\u2019<\/span><\/span>s<\/span><\/span> really effective is to journal at the end of the day <\/span><\/span>and<\/span><\/span> answer <\/span><\/span>these<\/span><\/span> four<\/span><\/span><\/strong> questions:<\/strong> <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

1. <\/span><\/span><\/strong>What did<\/strong> I say t<\/span><\/span>oday<\/span><\/span> that upsets me <\/span><\/span>now<\/span><\/span>?
<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>2. <\/span><\/span>How d<\/span><\/span>o<\/span><\/span><\/strong> I feel <\/span><\/span>about that<\/span><\/span>?
<\/span><\/span> 3. <\/span><\/span><\/strong>Who did<\/strong> it affect, including <\/span><\/span>my<\/span><\/span>self?
<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>4. <\/span><\/span><\/strong>How will<\/strong> I stop myself <\/span><\/span>from saying those things <\/span><\/span>the next time?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

While all this calling out pain is true<\/strong>,<\/span><\/span> know that there are times when we might talk about one of our mistakes <\/span><\/span>in order <\/span><\/span>to help a person feel a little better about their difficult situation.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And that\u2019s okay.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Joyce Kubik<\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

“All the noise in my brain.<\/em>
I clamp it to the page so it will be still.”<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2014 Barbara Kingsolver<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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To Call Out:To\u00a0confront\u00a0one\u00a0about\u00a0one’s\u00a0misdeeds\u00a0or\u00a0unpleasant\u00a0behavior. \u2014 The Free Dictionary by Farlex My ADHD clients all too often set themselves up for failure. I know, because I did the same thing \u2014 until one day in my late 40s when I began to question why I kept calling myself out. I actually thought I was making legitimate excuses […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13202,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","wds_primary_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13189","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joycekubik.com\/welcome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13189","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joycekubik.com\/welcome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joycekubik.com\/welcome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joycekubik.com\/welcome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joycekubik.com\/welcome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13189"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joycekubik.com\/welcome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13189\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joycekubik.com\/welcome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13202"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joycekubik.com\/welcome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13189"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joycekubik.com\/welcome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13189"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joycekubik.com\/welcome\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13189"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}